Cheaters Never Win… or So I Hope

#2 Time to rant, rave, and foam at the mouth: the piece of mind you would like to give that old so and so. This is about anger.

 

C,

I fell for you. I fell for every line and every story. I believed you when you told me that I was different. Somehow I was the special one, the one that made all the other girls look like mistakes, the one that was worth your time and energy. I suppose you would know how different I was since you had some many other girls to compare me too. Was it all a lie? It makes me cringe to look back and see how wrong I was. I hate myself for liking you and I hate you for making me.

I don’t deserve you. Isn’t that what you told me so many times? I think that’s the only true thing you’ve ever told me. I know that now. I look at that picture we took together and I can tell that I’m ridiculously happy. I don’t usually smile for pictures like that. Normally camera’s can produce a polite smile, not a genuine one. But that smile was for you. Now the only thing I feel looking at that picture is hurt and anger and frustration, mixed with a little bit of self-loathing.

It’s hard to realize that you’ve wasted part of your life on someone who only pretended to care. I mean how could you care when you treated me like you did? You used me and then when you thought you were gonna get caught you threw me back without a single good excuse. What was it you said when you broke up with me? I’m actually not sure what your reason was there was so much bullshit to wade through. And what’s worse you expected everything to go on like normal. Even though you broke up with me, even though you made me cry you had no idea why anything had to change between us. I wish I had kicked you out sooner.

On top of being the most delusional person I’ve ever met you’re also extremely cruel. When I asked you to leave me alone, when I begged you to stop calling so I could move on you told me you missed me. You miss me? Maybe you shouldn’t have broken up with me then? I also find it hard to believe you missed me so much when you had another girlfriend to deal with. When I finally decided that we could be friends you tried to come visit me, even though I asked for a little distance. I often wonder what would have happened if you had. Maybe I could have been the one to yell and scream at you instead of your other girlfriend. How I would have loved to slap you in the face when I found out I wasn’t the only one. I certainly thought about kicking you in your favorite appendage enough times.

I didn’t deserve this and you should have known that. Now I can’t trust myself because I trusted you… completely, no questions asked, without a moment of doubt. I was so wrong about you and it makes me question everything. I hate you for turning me into this paranoid, self-doubting person. I was never that girl before all of this.

I hate you for building me up just to send me crashing back down. I was fine without you. I liked being single. I didn’t want or need you, at first, but you were so likeable. Even though I told everyone I didn’t care my heart jumped into my throat every time I saw you. I couldn’t keep the stupid grin off my face. But you knew that too, didn’t you?

I hate you for never telling me the truth and then accusing me of lying. I’m causing problems in your life? Oh I’m so sorry. Perhaps you shouldn’t have fucked every girl you could while making promises to two others. So when you ask me if I did this or if I said that I would just like to say go ask your other girlfriend and thank you for never apologizing.

I will continue to ignore your phone calls. No we will never be friends on Facebook. For your own safety and my dignity please do not try to talk to me on campus. I don’t want to see you smile or laugh or have a happy life. I do not wish you well. In the end I hope that I’m the biggest mistake of your life because you were certainly the biggest mistake of mine.

Hoping I’ll never see you again,

S

P.S. I’m glad I have seen you. The extra 30 pounds you’ve gained makes me smile.

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One Response to “Cheaters Never Win… or So I Hope”

  1. Warren Rochelle Says:

    Proofread your title.
    Feel better? Like the last line: revenge is best served cold
    Or
    The best revenge is living well.

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